I love my friends and family, I really do.
I am insanely blessed, in the friends that I have from childhood, my college friends, and those from beyond. I am also really close with my brothers. In comparison to most of my friends and family, I got married pretty young. I was also one of the first to start having children.
I have come to the realization that my friends and family without kids don’t get it. They just don’t. No I can’t meet you for beers at 2pm on a Saturday. No, I can’t slam down a few extra shots at the bar then stay out until 2 a.m.
It’s totally ok if you don’t get it. I really do not mind and do not expect you to be tuned in to all the intricacies of what it’s like to have young children. I didn’t either, before I had kids.
Yes, I can still hang out and I still definitely want to be your friend. I can even go out, occasionally, and have a few beers like the old days. I went to Vegas with a bunch of my closest friends to celebrate and it was fricken awesome. I can still make the occasional bachelor party and hang with the best of ’em, you have seen me.
Just don’t hassle me when I say no.
My children are wonderful little blessings that I love dearly. They make me insanely happy and proud every day of my life.
My children are also 20-pound alarm clocks that go off at the same time every morning: EARLY. They don’t have a “snooze” button. If I tell my son to go make himself breakfast and quietly watch TV while dad sleeps off a hangover, he will look at me like I have two heads. He will also completely disregard this request. Instead, he will continue running around the house, while playing with his toys, and asking me to play with him. He will want to watch cartoons and want me to make train tracks for his trains.
Even though I may want a slow wake up, this is not what happens. Wake ups where I lie awake in bed for an hour until I feel like getting out of bed, only to throw on a t-shirt and shorts to make coffee, then head right back to bed to watch the news.
I have shotgun wake-ups instead. Wake-ups with children immediately getting out of bed, walking into my bedroom, standing six inches from my face, tapping my forehead to wake me up, while simultaneously asking for cereal, and demanding my attention.
The reality is that in order for me to go out for a night of partying I am not only asking my wife to cover for me that night, but also the next morning, too. Which she is happy to do for me–just not every weekend. Nor would I ever ask that of her. So it is not just “tonight” that I am focused on, it is tomorrow too.
If you are going to hassle me about saying “no” to the extra shot or to going out altogether then I will ask you to switch with me the next morning. After the late night of partying and boozing, you can get up with my kids at 6 a.m., feed them breakfast, get them dressed, and play with them. In turn, I’ll sleep in until 10 a.m. then come relieve you of your duties. Tell me how that works out for you.
So yes, I do love hanging out and spending time with you, just let me do it under my own parameters. I promise to do the same for you when you have kids.