With parenting, as with so many other things in life, we have to get it right the first time. We just do what we can in the moment to the best of our abilities.
I never received a special phone call from heaven that said:
“Hey Case, tomorrow at 9:30am, your son is going to take his first steps. Don’t miss it, and make sure that the camcorder is charged up.”
“Oh, hey while I’ve got you on the magic heaven telephone line: just before her afternoon nap, your daughter will look you in the eye, and for the first time, say: ‘I love you daddy.’ So whatever you do, don’t go golfing with your buddies, you need to experience this moment first hand.”
It can work in opposite circumstances, too, like disciplining children. There are definitely times when my wife and I look back on a conversation with our children and think, “boy we got that one right.” On the flipside there are plenty of other instances where we would really enjoy a re-do. Times where we would love a do-over to try again.
In fact, many things would be easier if we could just practice them beforehand. If I could have only just practiced my response to my son when he dug his heels into the ground in protest of potty training. I wish we could see how our infant daughter responds to traveling out of state to that wedding this weekend and how it impacts her sleeping schedule.
We do not get to practice.
We do not get a warning.
We do not get a “re-do.”
I know that it sounds overly simplistic and many people have written on this subject over the years. I also think that as easy as this is to do, it is just as easy not to do. It is easy to get caught up in taking the extra time at work, going on a business trip for an important client, or even just going out with friends. Most of the time, we (especially as men) do these things with our family’s best interests at heart. As a guy that’s running his own consulting business, this can often be a tough balance to strike. Do I work harder to get more clients and make more money, or do I take the afternoon off to take my kids to the playground?
There is certainly not one simple answer here nor is there a “one size fits all” approach that every parent can use. I just try to remind myself, whenever possible, that there will be other clients. There will not, however, be another first step or another first word from my children. Those are one-shot deals that we have to see firsthand or risk missing them altogether.
These are the “good ol’ days” happening right now. The moments happening around us, as our children grow and learn, are the best years of our lives. There will be more memorable days in the future, for sure, but what we have now are memories that we will look back upon with great fondness and warmth in our hearts.
I am as guilty of looking towards the future as anyone. I anticipate all the wonderful events that will happen in the future, both with my family and with my career. I need to remind myself daily to live in the moment as much as possible. Having children reinforces this more than ever because literally every day they can say or do something new. Like many parents I often struggle with the balance of planning for the future while fully living in the present. I have no idea how many years I have left on Earth but missing today in an effort to create an unknown future does not make much sense.
In parenting as in life, we only get the one shot that we are given in this one specific moment. So we better not waste it.