As a groomsman your role is really quite simple: on the days leading up to, and on the wedding day itself, do whatever you can to make it amazing for the groom.
If you need to sweep the floor of the church before the wedding, then do it. If the groom needs something delivered to the church, garden, synagogue, (or wherever the ceremony is), then volunteer to do it.
Everything else comes second…
The groom should not be running to the liquor store to buy beers for the trolley, picking up items from convenience stores, decorating, or anything like that. As a groomsman, this is YOUR job.
Now, one caveat here: if the groom is highly disorganized and unprepared, this does not mean that you have to be his servant. If he was too much of an idiot to get his tux fitted, that’s his bad. But everything else within reason is up to the groomsman to step up and get done.
The same goes for Ushers, people doing readings, or whatever. The groom honored you by selecting you as a person he very much respects and he wants you involved in the most important day of his life–act the part for crying out loud (even if he picked you out of obligation because you are the Bride’s brother).
This is your chance to be a gentleman, to be responsible, and do something to help someone else.
I have attended over 30 weddings in my lifetime, I have had the wonderful opportunity to be in about 10 in some capacity as a groomsman, usher, or other role, and I am continuously amazed by what I see. The vast majority of weddings are fantastic and people rise to the occasion as honorary attendees.
This being said, I have also seen my share of complete disasters in which someone acts like a total jackass and embarrasses themselves in front of another person’s family and friends.
Anytime you pull together hundreds of people, many of whom are family or old friends, whom have not seen each other in a long period of time, whom have taken vacation to travel great distances, and throw them into a weekend readily supplied with free alcohol, “FUN” is not going to be your problem.
I mean, really, if you cannot manage to have fun at someone’s wedding there are bigger problems at play.
On the flip side, the biggest disasters occur when members of the wedding party feel that fun is the number one goal of the weekend. They put their agenda to have a blast ahead of what they were actually invited there to do: represent the Groom (and Bride) in a way that makes them proud.
I have seen (thankfully) my share of weddings that were tasteful, fun, and flawless. I have also seen (thankfully) my share of behavioral disasters of the highest order. To be honest, I’m not sure which are more memorable either. While I love to see happy brides and grooms, the site of a massive train wreck is always fun.
In any case, I have taken the liberty (as I have at multiple points in my blog) to make a list. They make it easy to read and state my opinions clearly.
So without further ado… Here is the list of things that Groomsmen should NOT do while attending someone’s wedding.
Please do NOT:
- Drink Like a Fish: getting wasted while putting on your tux and showing up to pictures a bumbling, sweaty mess is beyond lame. You should be the responsible one and look nice for the pictures. Is it ok to drink earlier in the day? Yes, just do not go crazy. Is it ok to even have a few too many? Of course… But wait until the reception and all of your duties are finished. Then you must LEAD the party and have fun (see number 5).
- Experiment with Some New Hair Style: c’mon dude… Now is NOT the time to bleach your tips, rock the crew cut you never had, or show up looking like Steven Tyler during Aerosmith’s “Toys in the Attic” tour. If you have long hair, historically, fine, keep it that way. If you typically have a crew cut because it is your style or you are in the military, fantastic. Just do not do something crazy in the weeks leading up to the wedding. Whatever you do here’s the general rule: clean cut, trimmed sideburns, and squared off in the back of your neck. Remember the Groom will be sharing these pictures with family and keeping them for the rest of his life. Help a brotha’ out…
- Forget to Shave: c’mon dude, times 10… Please do NOT be this guy… Again, if in your historical relationship with the Groom, you typically have a beard or rock a sweet 80’s stache, then by all means, keep it there. But do not show up with stubble or a hobo beard to “surprise” the Groom with this grizzly appearance. So not cool… This is less about respecting the Groom and more about self-respect. Seriously… Get a Mach 3 (or Mach 8-whatever they are making now) and use it.
- Hit on Bridesmaids at the Rehearsal Dinner: this is a family event for God’s sake. Get a hold of yourself and think with your actual brain (not your Johnson) for five minutes. Talk about being “that guy” in all the wrong ways. Do (single) Bridesmaids and Groomsmen hook up at probably 80% of the weddings on planet Earth? Yup, conservatively 80%… Key words: “AT WEDDINGS.” Once 200 other people are there drinking, partying, and carrying on, it’s a bit different. Everyone’s inhibitions will be low, love will be in the air, and no one wants to go home alone, so have at it. Again, remember, a little discretion goes a long way here–on both of your parts. Inevitably you are both in attendance because you are close with the Bride, the Groom and their families so be discreet and respect the fact that they paid for this party. To put it more bluntly: do not make out on the dance floor like two 16 year olds at prom. You both got rooms at the hotel–use one of them and save us the agony.
- Act Lame or Sad: you are here to represent the Groom and help make the day amazing. You should be leading the party. I want to make sure I do not come across like a killjoy here for Groomsman. Do you need to be responsible? Of course… BUT, you also need to lead the charge at the reception. Grab drinks for other people, high five and hug old friends, take the dance floor by storm, and dance ’til your sweaty. Sitting in the corner and pouting or just sitting at some far off table by yourself officially makes you a creepy bastard. At the end of the day, leave your mark and have a blast. The Groom, and the Bride, will thank you.
I will end this blog with where I started: as a groomsman, on the days leading up to, and on the wedding day itself, do whatever you can to make it amazing for the groom. Simple as that…
Even though we all love a good social train wreck from time to time, I think it is best not to have yours on someone else’s wedding day.