What men really want is a woman with balls.
Ok, I said it.
This is what men really want, but almost never say out loud. Deep down it might be the most important characteristic we are looking for in the woman we marry. It was for me anyway…
Of course I’m using the word “balls” metaphorically in this instance. We do not (under most circumstances) find it attractive if a woman suddenly and inexplicably grows a pair of hairy testicles.
Would it happen surgically? Has this ever occurred before? Would there need to be some strange hormonal therapy to make it occur? I’m not even sure how that would happen. But I digress…
What I am talking about, of course, is the metaphorical and physical element of a man’s body most associated with his maleness. Or at least the part that we, as men, most associate with our maleness, you heard it all before:
“It took balls to make that decision.”
“That guys got a huge set of rocks–I don’t know if I’d have the balls to do that.”
“C’mon man, take your balls out of your wife’s back pocket and stand up for yourself.”
We want the same thing in the woman that we eventually marry–I know I did. Specifically, we want a woman that takes exactly zero shit from us.
Take care of us? Absolutely.
Have a ton of fun together? You bet.
Attractive, smart, and independent? Of course.
And we also want her NOT to take the BS we, as dudes, so often throw out there…
Let’s face it guys, we are all full of shit on a regular basis and we know it. Let’s be honest with ourselves. Is it ok to put up with us from time to time? Of course, even expected–but not to lay down and cater to us. Nor do we want a woman to give in every time we have a disagreement or a situation where we are not seeing eye to eye. As guys we either A) feel like we have the answer and/or B) instantly focus on trying to get it if we do not already have it. We like even less to admit that we do not have “the answer” or the magical solution.
So, ladies, here’s some advice: when we as guys–whether we are your boyfriend, fiancé, husband, or whatever–come up with some half-cocked idea or solution, call us on it.
When we overstep, or play out a joke and take it too far, or say something inappropriate that hurts your feelings, let us know. Throw out the BS card like a referee at a football game. “Unsportsmanlike conduct, on the dude, 15 yard penalty, repeat the down.” Trust me, it’s what we want.
We may argue with you, initially. Especially if the relationship is still in an early phase, because you may take us off guard, so we may respond in protest. Before I met my wife, I felt like I won every argument I had ever been in with a woman (except for my mom–love ya!). Suddenly she challenged me, in a good way, to actually stop and think about the garbage that was coming out of my mouth. And, upon a moment of critical self-reflection, AND with some initial resistance, I had to admit she was right. Which, of course, made me respect her a lot more. Not only was I shocked by this unanticipated turn of events, it actually made me MORE attracted to her.
Weird, I know…
If you are guy reading this that has never experienced it first hand, you are just gonna have to trust me.
Let me be clear: I am NOT saying that I now concede every point to my wife (thereby losing my balls in the process). We still have plenty of arguments and many over the years where she would even have to admit that I was right. But it is definitely a give and take. We do not keep score–that is not important. The balance of having a woman challenge me appropriately is important.
And yes, ladies, every single guy on planet Earth will eventually do something to piss you off. Trust me, it’s guaranteed to happen. Not that you need me to tell you this… We will most likely not even mean to be terribly offensive, but we will just let something slip. We have a knack for saying things that sound absolutely hilarious in our own heads, yet two seconds after we say it, we take one look at your face and realize that it was not smart. We can tell by the way that you are staring at us. We want to grab the words and shove them back down our own throats. Uh, oh, here it comes…
THAT is when you need to put your balls to good use.
Tell us that it was a stupid comment, or make fun of us right back, and call us out. Contrary to popular belief, we do not respond well to passive aggressive behaviors or the cold shoulder. I have never understood women who are pissed off at me, but are afraid to bring it up, and then give me the cold shoulder for the next 48 hours. WTF?! Do you have a problem with something that I said? Ok, fine, then tell me. If you think I am acting like an idiot then have the balls to tell me. In the moment I may resist or disagree. In the long run I will respect you much, much, more for calling me out.
Men will hang with a woman who is a pushover, sometimes for a while, because the relationship is easy and convenient. Sometimes not being aware of exactly what is missing. Deep down we know that we are missing a certain spark, although we cannot put our finger on it. Well, usually this is it.
Dudes, if you are anything like me you do this all of the time. Pretending that we know answers that we really do not. Trying to use humor in situations to “lighten the mood” only to realize that your comment was about as funny as a fart at a funeral. It happens… Being called out on these things is not only strangely liberating, but has come to be really funny at times when my wife and I crack up at the ridiculousness. So give it a whirl… Find a woman who will challenge you on your occasional moments of stupidity and see what happens.
I think what you will find is that deep down inside what we all really want is a woman with balls.