Men do not actually get the opportunity to experience a pregnancy, first hand, we come to know it only second hand.
That was the smartest comment of the century, huh?
I know it is simple. I realize everyone understands it already.
I also think it is a fundamental reason for why the approach to bringing children into the world is so different and why there are often passionate disconnects between loving couples during this time.
I also feel that most arguments or disagreements can be boiled down, with effort, to one simple and fundamental thing. Childbirth is a fantastic example.
And, for what it is worth, these are not always negative experiences. There are many divergent ideas between parents and divergent approaches that are fantastic.
In my experience, women tend to arrive at the decisions and jump into “baby mode” much faster than guys. Why? Because they are actually CARRYING the baby. There are lots of examples:
1. Picking out the color of the paint and decorations for the baby’s room
2. Deciding on names
3. Looking for pediatricians
4. Deciding on daycare
I can speak for myself: about 2 months into our first pregnancy my wife was in full gear, creating these to-do lists for what needed to be accomplished and, frankly, thinking in advance about things that had not entered my conscious thoughts–YET.
Was this because I did not care?
Or, was it because I was not “into it” the way she was?
Absolutely not… As I mentioned before, it just took me a bit longer to wrap my brain around the whole thing because I was not experiencing it, first hand.
On the other hand, my wife could feel all the physical and emotional changes almost immediately. Shortly after that, she began to feel the baby moving in there, too.
As guys we are not able to feel the baby kicking from the outside until months and months later. That means, often, months and months of our wives preparing for the baby while we are trying to get connected to the new little person.
Enter the sonogram!!
Wait, is that actually our baby?! Is that the head right there?! Are those feet and hands?!
There are any number of technological advances in my life that leave me convinced I could not have lived in a previous generation like high speed internet, iPhones, iPods, flat screen TVs, high definition TV, the availability of espresso pretty much everywhere, and the creation of e-documents, just to name a few.
Seeing my unborn child on a 32-inch flat screen in high definition is right up there at the top of the list. Hearing “his” and “hers” heartbeats through really good speakers is too. Besides, who does not like watching your baby move in high definition? I will watch cooking shows or those lame live concerts on public television in hi-def just because I can. The fact that hospitals have flat screen plasmas for this is frickin awesome. Talk about advanced technology… What’s next 3-D glasses and popcorn?
Suddenly the development and eventual arrival of my kids became REAL for me as a dad. The full emotion of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks in the face when I saw those beautiful little kids moving around in there. I squeezed my wife’s hand so hard she had to tell me to stop. I just could not believe what I was seeing.
At that point, the dad actually gets involved. The dad actually “feels” like he is a partner.
I realize I was a little slow on the full entrance into “baby mode” in comparison with my wife. If I am any indication of what other men experience, maybe you can relate.
So guys, please: make it to the sonogram appointments. They are really important for us dudes.
And, ladies: just a little patience with us on this please. We definitely care and we are totally interested. It just takes us a little longer, but we will get there, I promise.
I have now experienced two children coming into this world and if there is ever a third, I am totally in for the sonogram appointments.
The sonograms never, never get old…