Temper tantrums can actually be hilarious. Especially when broken down into a series of sequential moves. I provide my son and daughter feedback on the elements of their temper tantrums and how well they fit in together. Think of it less like mocking criticism and more like the way judges rank ice skating or Olympic gymnastics.
Instead of: “Oh, wow! Svetlana really nailed the back flip on that vault!”
It is: “Nice pelvic thrust son! Oh and you went straight into the screaming barrel roll! That’s a 10, bud.”
Things really get interesting when this process occurs in a large public setting – like an airport, for instance.
My son is big on the pelvic thrusts – which you have probably seen. They are the part of the tantrum where the child lays on their back on the floor, knees bent and feet out in front of them as if they are about to do sit ups, only they thrust their pelvis towards the sky. Then, usually, SLAM it back down on the ground multiple times while yelling out a remarkably coordinated set of screams. It’s epic…
My daughter is more of a fan of the scissor kick and head sway. She starts out in the same position as the pelvic thrust only scissor kicks both legs, while simultaneously swinging her head violently from side to side, and – not to be outdone by her older brother – also lets out a remarkably coordinated set of screams while slamming her feet down. I think the head swinging is her preference due to her longer hair. The set of blond curls wildly swinging across her face really adds a flush of style to the whole event.
And, when all else fails, or I need additional emphasis, I get on the floor next to them and provide coaching points. I scissor kick my legs and tell my daughter to really try to get more height with each leg. Or tell my son that if he spreads his feet out a little wider he could get more height on the pelvic thrust AND make a louder noise when he slammed his butt back into the floor. Y’know, the typical stuff…
Then I ask them to go take a time out to get back under control, think about what they have done, and cool off.
I think I started doing this one night when I was completely exhausted. Of course they almost always occur during the hour of despair right around dinner and bedtime.
But really, what the hell are we supposed to do as parents when they start doing this? Yell?! Pick them up?! I feel like any of that attention simply gives them what they want.
I’ve gotta be honest: this strategy works like a charm. It totally neutralizes the tantrums. And, eventually, they stopped doing them altogether. My kids literally started either A) laughing as I provided them a rating for their tantrums and/or B) stopped doing the tantrum so they could talk to me and say things like: “Dad, stop doing that.” I think that once I established that this was not going to phase me and they were not going to get what they wanted, they knew it was pointless.
To which I almost always reply: “No way dude, you’re doing a great job, keep going. That last pelvic thrust you did seemed weak, are you getting tired? We need to work on your endurance.”
Gotta keep them motivated.